SexZ Pictures Scores Media Coup Thanks To All Media Play And Al Qaeda

Positive exposure may lead to fresh opportunities for SexZ in the Middle East

Friday August 5, 2005 Posted 6:23 AM EDT (1023 GMT) - Brad Watkins, Editor

Doha, Qatar - If, like many, you’re an avid follower of Al Qaeda, or just a casual viewer of the Al Jazeera network as part of your basic cable package, you may have noticed something strange, yet familiar, in the terrorist group’s most recent threat laced video message.

With help from its media and marketing firm All Media Play, SexZ Pictures broadened its international recognition Thursday when the company’s logo appeared conspicuously behind Ayman al-Zawahiri, Osama bin Laden’s #2 deputy, as he continued to denounce Western policies.

Although immediately recognizable to millions of Americans, the SexZ pictures logo, which has become a fixture on the red carpet of porn’s most lavish parties, had surprisingly never appeared on Al Jazeera.

Since 9/11 the United States and its allies in the war on terror have focused on efforts to freeze Al Qaeda's financial assets and disrupt the association’s funding. In large part the tactics have been successful, leaving the organization on the brink of bankruptcy.

It’s rumored Al Qaeda has been on the verge of filing Chapter 11 three or four times since September 2001. The sale of t-shirts, hats, and coffee mugs baring the terrorist group’s logo to Pakistanis living in the war-lord controlled region of that country have helped, but are not nearly enough to sustain operations abroad.

“Jeff Mullen from All Media Play came to me with a crazy idea,” described Bo Kenney, SexZ Pictures owner. “He said Bo, what if I told you I can get your logo in front of literally billions of people, prominently displayed on every media outlet from Altoona to Al Jazeera.”

“Of course I was interested but then he started to explain his plan. I was like, Jeff, you’re out of your fuckin’ mind. He didn’t let up though. He told me that from what he had seen on Fox News, Al Qaeda needed cash badly and he was confident a deal could be worked out.”

Kenney continued, “I have to admit, Jeff and I had talked about expanding SexZ’s distribution to the Middle East and this seemed like the perfect opportunity, so in the end I told him to go for it.”

“Jeff responded, Bo I’ll be back here in a month saying Ayatoll-yah-so.”

All Media Play owner Jeff Mullen, best known as the creator of Britney Rears, had an existing relationship with the Al Jazeera cable TV network which proved crucial in bringing together SexZ and Al Qaeda.

“A few months back I successfully negotiated the non-exclusive rights to Britney Rears: Wild Back Stage Sex Party, with the head of Al Jazeera’s VOD channel, Abd Al-Adhim Muhammad, a first for any American produced hardcore adult movie,” stated a proud Mullen.

“As part of that deal we agreed Britney would make an in store appearance at a porn shop outside Tehran, Iran. I think Muhammad was skeptical Rears would actually make the trip. He was well informed about the flaky reputation of Western porn chicks, but I reassured him.”

“We got Britney to travel over there with Sean Penn, who was covering the Iranian elections at the time. Muhammad was impressed, we had clearly gained his trust,” said Mullen.

“Al Jazeera representatives brought the SexZ Pictures offer to my attention,” recounted al-Zawahiri. “Initially Osama and I were skeptical but desperate times demand desperate measures. Abd Al-Adhim Muhammad, a man which we both respect, vouched for the trust worthiness of All Media Play. At that point we agreed to talk with Mullen directly.”

This was a huge step but the two parties were still far from finalizing an agreement.

“There were times when I thought this deal was never going to happen,” commented Mullen. “The logistics were a nightmare.”

“After a couple weeks of going back and forth we finally agreed on the general terms of the contract. I thought everything was good to go but then al-Zawahiri told me Osama needed a notarized copy of the agreement for their lawyers.”

“I remember getting into a shouting match on the phone with al-Zawahiri. I said, Ayman, you know I can’t Fed-Ex the paperwork to a P.O. Box, I need an actual address. He told me to hold on and put down the phone.”

“In the background I could hear him say, Osama, where the hell are we? Jeff at All Media Play needs our address to send the money.”

When al-Zawahiri got back on the phone he had bad news for Mullen, “Osama says it is not possible to reveal our location.”

Mullen responded, “You have got to be kidding. You’re gonna back out of this deal now, after all the money I spent translating the goddamn 2257 documents to Arabic? You guys can go fuck yourselves! Then I hung up. They obviously had no idea who they were dealing with.”

“Sure enough, the next day I got a call from al-Zawahiri. Osama and the rest of his crew were ready to play ball, I wasn’t surprised. I immediately Fed-Ex’ed them a banner to be placed in their next video and some press kits to be included with each copy of the tape.”

“About a week after the paperwork was finalized I got a call from the Department of Homeland Security. Needless to say, they were interested in how I was able to make the deal happen. Jeff Fuckin’ Mullen can make any deal happen!”

“Anyway, we had a constructive conversation and they asked me to provide them with the address al-Zawahiri had given me. Like any patriotic American I said, sure, no problem, but on one condition.”

“I told them, don’t take any military action until after their next tape airs, I need to make sure my client gets the exposure they paid for as part of the deal,” described Mullen.

Thanks to the success of Thursday’s hate filled video, Al Qaeda and SexZ foresee a long and prosperous business relationship.

“Our colleagues in America claim SexZ Pictures throws the best damn porn parties period. It’s fitting we’re now working together, we like to think of Al Qaeda as the best damn international terrorist organization, period,” stated al-Zawahiri.

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Related Links:

Al Jazeera

All Media Play

Britney Rears

Monica Mayhem image courtesy of Contract Pornstars.com